So you know how on social media sites, “Throwback Thursday” or “TBT” is a thing? Complete with hashtags and all? I had my own throwback experience recently. But not in a good way.
I was walking my dog around my neighborhood. She was just finishing up a short pee on my neighbor’s yard when the neighbor came out of her house. Inwardly, I cringed. I know she has to pee somewhere (duh!), but I generally try to encourage her not to pee on lawns in front of the actual homeowner. It’s often a little awkward. And this case was no different. Here’s what happened.
Grouchy Neighbor: Aren’t you going to pick that up?
Neighbor: Aren’t you going to clean up after your dog?
Me: What? No, it’s just pee. She’s a girl dog.
Neighbor glowers suspiciously.
Me: She just peed. That’s all. [considers going into a discussion of how girl dogs and boy dogs have different, uh, anatomies, so they pee differently, just like male and female humans.]
Me: [growing increasingly terrified. decides to skip the discussion. 50-year-old cranky lady probably knows about the birds and the bees.] See, look, I have poop bags. [waves roll of poop bags in the air.] I always pick up after her, but in this case she just peed.
Neighbor: Don’t let her do, whatever, on my lawn any more.
Me: [still hopelessly intimidated] Ok, sorry. Come on, Akela! [drags away poor unsuspecting dog who just wants to sniff the angry lady’s yard]
Anyway, I totally felt like a little kid who had just gotten in trouble. As a kid, I always hated being scolded. One time in second grade, I was talking during story time, and my teacher sent me to my desk. I tried to hide my face underneath the desk, and I just cried. Ten minutes later, when story time was over, I hid in the bathroom, still sobbing uncontrollably.
But I’m a grown woman, and this lady was just mean and cranky. Ugh. And she has an ugly lawn. Seriously. It’s half dead, and the other half is mostly weeds. [sticks tongue out at mean lady]