Looking Back

As you’ve probably noticed by now, it’s September.  September.  It used to be the 7th month of the year for the Romans (septem = seven in Latin) but for us, it’s the 9th month of the year.  Wow.  For those of you who are following along at home, that means I’ve been in Florida 8+ months, depending on where you start counting.  I’ve been working at a local tea shop for 7+ months.  Wow again.  2014 is flying by!  At least for me.

To recap for any new blog followers (or for those of you who are fuzzy on the deets since it’s been awhile since I posted), my original plan was to drive with my dog from my house in LA to visit my parents in Florida for Christmas.  And then drive us back to LA.  That plan got scrapped on a whim when I got an opportunity to work at a tea shop in South Florida and learn the biz firsthand.  That would give me a leg up when I started my own tea business back in LA.  Now we were onto Plan B: work and learn the tea biz in Florida for 6(ish) months.  So I flew to LA, packed up my house, put everything in storage, and jetted back to South Florida.

Over time, Plan B gradually evolved into Plan C: stay in Florida permanently and open up my own tea shop here.  Close enough to my family, but far enough to not compete with my current boss.  I would do my 6 months at her shop and manage the place while she and her family took a European vacation.  During those 6 months, I would come up with a plan, establish myself in South Florida, and start my own business shortly thereafter.

Well, guess what.  My boss came back from her European adventures over a month ago, and I’m still working at her shop.  The good news is I love my job.  I still love tea!  I love helping customers!  I’m looking forward to doing it in my own place!!  The bad news is I’m not earning enough to provide the capital for starting up my own tea shop.  Let alone to move out of my dad’s house and get an apartment.  I really thought I’d have it all figured out by now.  So much for Plan C.

Le sigh…

So.  I guess we’re caught up now.  The other good news is that I’ve got a Plan D I’m excited about.*  Stay tuned and I’ll share it with you next week.

In the meantime, have a great weekend!!

 

 

 

 

*Sorry I ended a sentence with a preposition.  Bad grammar nerd!

 

 

 

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Update: Reality Check

Remember how last week, I published a cathartic post about how I felt so far behind in all the things I should have accomplished in career/personal life/finances by now?

Well, a) thank you to those of you who stuck it out and all read my thoughts.  The comments (online and in person) and “likes” and “follows” meant a lot.  And b) I think I feel a little better now.  Even though nothing has changed per se, I think that articulating the panic and stress and pressure I feel helped lessen the load a bit.

 

And, oh yeah, I guess I’m not that old yet…

Yesterday, I made some offhand comment at work about not being ready for kids.  A 17-year-old who just started working with me (it was her 2nd day) said she wasn’t either and referred to herself and me as (relative) babies.  I kinda of snickered and told her thanks but I’m actually 30.  She was genuinely surprised and said she thought I was 20.  Then, one of the tea shop regulars who works nearby asked me if I went to a local college down the street.  A couple hours later, I even got carded at Whole Foods for buying kombucha.

Booyah.

 

 

Thursday Reality Check

Today we’re gonna pause for a moment and get real.  (Disclaimer: Getting real!  Stop reading if you just want puppies and kittens and rainbows and unicorns!)

So….  Admittedly, I’ve had a lot of awesomeness in my life recently (for example, here and here), but the truth is that my life really doesn’t resemble anything like I envisioned it would.  And that makes me really panicky sometimes.

I had a crisis in the shower recently, which is where I generally do my best thinking.  (I think it’s because my brain is nominally distracted by things like shampooing, which curiously makes the actual thinking process easier.)  Anyhow, I was taking a good, hard look at my life, and I got really overwhelmed and anxious.

I was raised in a household where my parents had successful, busy careers, and I always assumed that I, too, would have a successful, busy career.  (I would distinguish the word “career” from the word “job” in this case.)  I figured that I’d go to college, get a degree or two, start out in a low(ish) position, and work my way to a high position of some authority, eventually.  You know, have a career.  And I did just that for about 7 years in the film/tv industry, moving from low positions for almost no money, to small independent films for iffy money, to large hit tv shows in union positions for great pay and benefits.  My boyfriend and I were on track to get married and possibly have a kid or maybe even two.  And I figured one day, I’d work my way up to be a department head, work with a bunch of really big movie stars, and have more of a creative impact.

Until one day when I realized I didn’t want that life path.

I’m too young to have a midlife crisis, and I’m past my quarter-life crisis window, so what is this?  A 1/3 life crisis?  Sure, we’ll go with that.

To recap: I’m thirty.  I’m about to be 30 1/2.  I put all my stuff in storage in LA, hauled my dog 2800 miles across the country, and moved back home to South Florida where I grew up.  I put my entire life (and my film career) on hold to investigate a new life path possibility.  My old life back in LA?  I’m not sure if it’s actually on hold or if I left it behind and it’s now gone.  I live with my parents.  I work in a tea shop.  I want to open my own tea shop.  And theoretically I know how to get from point A (working in someone else’s shop) to point B (owning my own wildly-successful tea shop), but in practicality, I have no idea how to actually make it happen.  (Read: $$$).

All of this would be ok if I were 22, out of college, and needing some life experience.  But I’m 30.  I don’t exactly have a ticking biological clock, per se, but I do have some internal clock that says I should have accomplished more by now.  I should be married, with kids imminent in the next couple of years (ok, to be fair, a large part of my brain is NOT really in sync with that dreaded clock here).  I should be making mortgage payments.  I should have some stable career where I’ve been steadily working my way up.  With decent health insurance.  I should have a much beefier bank account.

But I don’t.

Sigh.

I need to quiet that voice inside that says I’m not good enough because I haven’t achieved all the things I thought I would by now.

I need to let go of my expectations and my self-criticism, and just be okay with myself in the present.  Accepting reality.

Ugh.

I’m working on it…